Like with all things in my life I am probably hitting this a little late. But like all in life I am going to do it with a unique style and humor, and charm that could more than make up for lost time.
I am not making any promises here, just saying is all. After a fair length of my life has been spent being late for things, I figure I have a lot of making up to do. And this comes at the wet and dripping heels of being born so significantly premature that the doctors in attendance in that fateful morning of my nativity called a priest to console my mother should the coin toss chances of my living through the night actually come up heads. Of course my mother tells the story with a bit less drama, but much more Pathos. Point being I think I was so dangerously early for my life that I have been making up for it by being late for everything else ever since.
So much so, that if I were to average the cumulative amount of time I have been late for various things, events, and moments in my life I could have a nice additional little life to live.
Problem is I don't believe in NEEDING an additional little life.
Half-assed though they were, my studies in the fields of Philosophy and Religion have ruined me in such that I no longer fall prey to the fantasy of " If I had to do i all over again, how would I do it differently.? " The simple answer is. I would not. OR I Simply would not know how to do it differently. Even if I did, I would probably start late and screw it up.
I have read far too much science fiction of various calibers to even contemplate the moral or ethical benefits being equal to the story that comes out of it.
So, I figured I would pay back a few moments of that extra life, that meta-physical and allegorical one up mushroom by sharing it with various people that could be interested in my musings, one moment at a time. Each observation, quip, quote, or conundrum could take moment for someone else to read and at the very least gain a moment of entertainment from.
Why?
Simply because after living a life that was perpetually five or ten minutes off-schedule, I have learned a crucial technique to entertain people when I do arrive to whatever moment in my life that I am late for. I talk shit. And in doing so occasional elicit a smile or a laugh from those whose precious time I have unintentionally skilled from the cosmic till. Like a lazy and greedy bartender or retail clerk skimming a few small bills from the register over long periods of time, I have stolen moments of my friends and families lives. My shit talk has come in handy over the years and has been sharpened to a benign tool to provide positive things in this world.
Often, my shit talking is long and ranting. Occasionally it's not.
Either way, I will talk shit, a few moments at a time, and document it here, giving the reader a few smiles, laughs, thoughts, or rude gestures to enjoy while they are waiting for whatever the hell it is they are waiting for in life.
Some of them might actually be waiting for me.
So. Enjoy. There will be no set schedule for this blog, no set topics. If I was good at scheduling things I wouldn't be late for things. If I was good at setting topics I wouldn't be able to talk shit.
And that is about all I have to say right now. So. Enjoy.
I think I am going to go and watch some Futurama and drink beer. On MY time.
